Wishing Joyful and Enlightening 2019

Wishing for Joy  in New Year...
Joy is a source of alignment of our heart, mind, souls and spirit. It is a natural incense that spreads fragrance. It's God's reflection in his creation and in us. Joy can ignite the fire of transformation and creativity. May the joy in our hearts ever increase. May it take us to a deeper level of soul consciousness.
Wishing all a
Joyful and Enlightning 2019!
♥
Monika Kathuria 

Through 2018

My daughter wanted me to share my journey of 2018 on her instagram page (@infinitenothingness), where she quoted Robert Frost -"The best way out is always through ". Share your journey through 2018.

So here's it dear-

Year 2018 was an year of lessons. It opened me to different realities.

We are all vulnerable and seek acceptance. Acceptance and validation for who we are. The turmoil shakes us or breaks us.  Seen with right attitude can make us to what we should turn out to be.

During the year,  I fell, I rose, I cried. I felt lost and alone deep inside. There was a retaliation in my eyes for having been taken "for granted", too long, for all my compromises. I felt suffocated and in dis-harmony with myself and surrounding. So, I kept myself busy.

When suddenly I was thrown to self (re)discovery. I was (and still am) a loner. An introvert and an introspector. However, I realized that I was also a survivor. I was not a victim of my struggles. I did not need any sympathy. I was capable. I was me... 

I was taught a lesson to rise above all my fears. To accept all my short comings. It is in accepting and acknowledging that we release.  Which in turn opens us up to be empathetic, genuine and authentic person; even if it meant being ridiculed at. I learned to apologize, when required. I became  humble and full of gratitude.

In order become sane I strived.

I decided to work harder. I started to do yoga and exercise. I started to go for long nature walks. I took to scribbling my ideas, I started to write,  though I still hunt for expressions. I started meditating regularly. 

Near the year 2018 end,  I did make some friends. As an educator I touched young minds. I sowed new ideas and insights. 

There were things I left behind- my pessimism, my fear of public opinion and my inhibition. I let go of the pain and toxic attachments. I forgave them those who didn't care for me or pretended to do so. I have no place for obligatory relationships. I have learnt to be my own friend!

Those who are judgemental will not stay.  Those who are meant to be will always find a way. I am a believer and God is very kind.

As a saying goes- "Life is a fantasy there is no reality,  we are nothing and in being nothing we are everything! "
Quoting my favorite lines of Robert Frost : "The woods are lovely dark and deep but I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep...and miles to go before I sleep !"

Wishing you a very Happy and Enlightening New Year 2019! 

Who am I ?

I still believe I am getting closer. Closer to rediscovering myself on the road I got lost. I find myself travelling back and forth in time. The Déjà vu is overwhelming. This is how it started...
Once as I sat trying to write and let my creative juices flow. Suddenly my thoughts got loose. They appeared and danced around me in the air, fluttering, like colourful butterflies. Their pretty wings flapped, soundlessly, yet they created a breeze. The whole room was filled with fragrance of flowers. It smelled so sweet that, I felt nauseated. It was surreal! The butterflies vanished just as they came. I stood amazed- watching myself sitting alone at my desk!
I sighed and within no time came charging horses, elephant and the knights. The room turned into a battlefield. There was smell of dust in the air and I felt suffocated. I gasped for breath! Unable to decide, if I was on the Black or the White side. The game of chess suddenly disappeared. It left me sweating and I stared into nowhere.
Then suddenly came words, letters and alphabets. They just kept pouring; echoing in my ears. There were metaphors everywhere. The "pun of words" created the "fun" of words! I skipped a heartbeat and started drowning in this sea. The words were deep. Too deep for me to surface, so, I decided to let them overpower me. And as I sank even deeper, suddenly- I re-discovered the lost me!

Metanoia : A Resurrection

"Metanoia : In Carl Jung's psychology, it indicates spontaneous attempt of the psyche to heal itself of the unbearable conflict by melting down and then being reborn in a more adaptive form"- Wikipedia.

When I heard this word a few days back, I was greatly fascinated. Speaking "Metanoia" itself felt different. As I repeated this word several times to myself, I could feel its vibrations. I knew this was for "me". I am going through this phase of "Metanoia". I would often sit several times, trying to write some meaningful creative pieces. Only to find myself scribbling my thoughts and then discarding them. However, when it came to writing emails, letters and official documents, the necessary skills and vocabulary would surface. While I struggled with creative pieces, the vocabulary diminished and expression vanished. Day after day, I wondered as to why on holding a pen I would go blank- no thoughts, no ideas, no expression ever flowed through my pen.

I was musing when I got my answer. We all sometimes suffer from the "performance anxiety".  Anxiety to farewell in life; in relationships. To be popular; to be accepted; to be loved, for what we are! The pressure of being accepted pushes us to the edge. We may also be driven to perform well due to our unavoidable circumstances. The challenges that we face at work, job, in meeting our finances or in dealing with health issues or relationship issues . We work hard to carve a niche for ourselves in this world.  This vast world where we are just a-spec; a spec of light- a soul. The very reality we have long forgotten. 

 Our struggles pull down. They leave us depressed, suppressed, frustrated, anxious and lost. We find our identities are dissolving into nowhere.  We start to believe that we are a "mere dot" - "one in the crowd". We find ourselves to be inadequate as compared to the standards of the society. We eventually realize, that, happiness is elusive, transitory and that ever escalating desires leave us in a dilemma. Then another struggle begins- the struggle to discover (rather re-discover) or redeem our lost self. 

We look around for anchors and supports. When we get that inspiration, the connection with our soul. We get redeemed. We rise from our ashes and we rise from our pain. We rise to  be the change. Thus begins the process- Metanoia!

Let's play today - with words!

We live through Metaphors And Metaphors too live through us -

 They play with us !

 If ideas contain nourishment, then metaphorically speaking people and feelings are expressed in temperatures... Somebody could be warm towards us and yet give a chilly response leaving us feeling cold... Somebody could project an icy demeanour, giving frozen glare and a wintery stare...  This revelation, without a sunny disposition is enough to end a frozen relation!!!

After almost  an year I have written something to  post, I dedicate this to my friends...

You Guys Rock!