"Metanoia : In Carl Jung's psychology, it indicates spontaneous attempt of the psyche to heal itself of the unbearable conflict by melting down and then being reborn in a more adaptive form"- Wikipedia.
When I heard this word a few days back, I was greatly fascinated. Speaking "Metanoia" itself felt different. As I repeated this word several times to myself, I could feel its vibrations. I knew this was for "me". I am going through this phase of "Metanoia". I would often sit several times, trying to write some meaningful creative pieces. Only to find myself scribbling my thoughts and then discarding them. However, when it came to writing emails, letters and official documents, the necessary skills and vocabulary would surface. While I struggled with creative pieces, the vocabulary diminished and expression vanished. Day after day, I wondered as to why on holding a pen I would go blank- no thoughts, no ideas, no expression ever flowed through my pen.
I was musing when I got my answer. We all sometimes suffer from the "performance anxiety". Anxiety to farewell in life; in relationships. To be popular; to be accepted; to be loved, for what we are! The pressure of being accepted pushes us to the edge. We may also be driven to perform well due to our unavoidable circumstances. The challenges that we face at work, job, in meeting our finances or in dealing with health issues or relationship issues . We work hard to carve a niche for ourselves in this world. This vast world where we are just a-spec; a spec of light- a soul. The very reality we have long forgotten.
Our struggles pull down. They leave us depressed, suppressed, frustrated, anxious and lost. We find our identities are dissolving into nowhere. We start to believe that we are a "mere dot" - "one in the crowd". We find ourselves to be inadequate as compared to the standards of the society. We eventually realize, that, happiness is elusive, transitory and that ever escalating desires leave us in a dilemma. Then another struggle begins- the struggle to discover (rather re-discover) or redeem our lost self.
We look around for anchors and supports. When we get that inspiration, the connection with our soul. We get redeemed. We rise from our ashes and we rise from our pain. We rise to be the change. Thus begins the process- Metanoia!
